can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
