Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
being pregnant is like rehab
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
