I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
