It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
