cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
