did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
