you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
