The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
