He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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