I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
