I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
