just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
