Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
