So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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