I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
