It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
