On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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