The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
