I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
