so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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