adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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