The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
