Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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