just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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