I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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