I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
