I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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