Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Come on in and take your pants off
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