I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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