Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
