I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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