I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
