Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We're too hungover to prance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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