babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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