honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
