You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
