Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
