I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
