i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Actions speak louder than pants.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
