so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
