Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
