The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
