we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
