Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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