I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
