I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
