so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
