Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
