the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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