Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
