Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
