omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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